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H is for Headspace #atozchallenge

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I’ve touched a couple of times on the fact that I’m working more on meditation and mindfulness, and working on being more present. During the lockdown, I several apps decided to put up free content or offer memberships to trial them, and one of them was Headspace. Since then, they’ve done a Netflix series, and they’ve extended their app, but I’ve got some favorite features.

Sleepscapes

Hands down, by far and away, my favorite aspect of the app is their Sleepscapes. They are 45 minute guided meditations/mindfulness exercises to fall asleep. I’ve enjoyed all of them so far, but my favorites are the Midnight Laundrette, The Slow train and the Lighthouse. They’ve got a few ASMR guided meditations, and the latest update added some extra features.

The daily rundown

A new feature they’ve added recently is a daily plan you can follow. The Wakeup is part of my day already, but they’ve added extra – I like that it’s showing me more of the things are available – from meditations and courses to focus music. You can check out the app for a trial period, at Headspace. Watch “10 Minute Relaxing Deep Sleep Sleepcast and Sleep Story: Midnight Launderette” on YouTube

Live, Thrive, Survive with Bipolarbears - Live, Thrive, Survive with Bipolarbears - text by Kai

G is for why giving in isn’t always negative #atozchallenge

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I’ve spent the last year trying to rewire my brain somewhat – and actually, in some areas, I think I’m doing all right. The two areas I have – and have always had – issues with is setting healthy boundaries, and understanding why giving in, letting go or surrendering isn’t always as negative a thing as it sounds.

But it’s a negative concept?

The act of surrendering or giving up on something is often percieved and portrayed as negative. You’re quitting after all, but its that whole perception that’s part of the problem.
Bit of a mind-teaser huh? The pereception of something that you’re doing that’s perceieved as negative in itself is the issue. Not the act.
Yeah, it took ne a while too.
Sometimes though, you just have to give in and surrender to the process. Especially when meditating…

The act of surrender as an act of compassion

I’m still wrestling with this now myself, and I’m still working on it myself, so if you’re not quite sure about this concept, trust me, I get it, even though I’m talking about it myself. But sometimes surrendering and letting yourself go with the process is absolutely the most compassionate thing you can do, for yourself and your mental health.
It goes for almost every area of life too. If your friend isn’t respecting your boundaries, it might be an idea to give up on the closeness of that freindship, and recategorise them. If you’re struggling to get passed a behaviour, or reaction, finding out what you’re holding on to – even if that’s ‘I’m not ready to address that’ – is an act of surrender and compassion in itself.
My biggest ‘surrender’. Asking for help, or telling people I don’t know.
Turns out that my reaction to fear is almost identical to anger, because that’s what I was taught. You don’t show weakness, you don’t give people an in, you’re not vulnerable, they can’t use that to hurt you. So. You show no fear. you instead make yourself as intimidating as possible (I am completely aware that this may or may not be your experience of my personality, and if you’re really close to me you’ll have seen both, and it may have given you whiplash. Sorry about that).

Surrendering the idea that ‘weak’ = ‘bad’

I’ve been working on this because it’s no good for people that don’t know me to see a small tazmanian devil of rage when she’s just desperately afraid, and quite honestly, I’m lucky I haven’t gotten into more trouble in certain settings. I’m giving in on that idea and trying to be more open about it. But it’s not easy. But if I can help someone else see that sometimes, it’s ok to ‘give in’ and reframe that as ‘going with the flow’ then, that’s good enough for me. Because quite honestly, though I’ve always believed that meditation was about building resiliance and learning to focus, and working through becoming a more present person, some of that really is about letting go of ideas that are getting in the way of doing better with practices. Some of it is definitely about asking for help and letting of the idea that I’m showing weakness and arming other poeple. All of it is about growing and becoming a better person, I hope. What do you think? Is giving in good, bad, or does it depend?

Live, Thrive, Survive with Bipolarbears - Live, Thrive, Survive with Bipolarbears - text by Kai

F is for finding your breath #atozchallenge

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Hi.
My name is Kai, and until two years ago, I wasn’t very good at knowing how to breathe.
Odd isn’t it? I’m admitting that I didn’t know how to breathe to calm down. Because of that, I had a lot of issues with my meditation practices, which isn’t as uncommon as many people think, but I do also think, it’s not something people often admit to. I’ve talked more about it in one of my new books, but here I am, holding my hands up to practicing meditation, but not actually knowing how to breathe and calm myself. It sounds oversimplistic – if all you need to do is take three deep breaths (in through the nose, out through the mouth if possible (breathing out through your nose can cause backflow into your lungs and you might not get the ‘full deep breath’ treatment if you breathe out through your nose, but I’m not actually sure and I’m researching now why all meditations start with an in through the nose, out through the mouth. If anyone knows why, I’d love to share.) I’ll be talking about more of this in H for Headspace (the app and the actual thing), and M for mindfulness, meditation and me, but I’ll be honest, learning to breathe has been a revelation.

What do you mean by learning to breathe?

I ‘found my way’ to this technique simply by giving in and stopping arguing. Y’see, I’ve always been able to meditate – I don’t actually worry about my ability to do that, but it turns out that I wasn’t ‘doing it’ right, if there’s even that concept when meditating. I guess the video below (which, is, ironically from Headspace), explains how my meditation actually looked before. (hint, I’d go out and chase my ‘traffic thoughts’).
So, here I am, learning to do everything I needed to do, but breathing was a huge issue.

Why pausing and taking a deep breath is almost always good

I gotta be honest, I used to side-eye my pysch nurse when she said that one of the major things I could do is just breathe. I was the sort of person that counted out of order, that snapped a band on my wrist, or…I’ll be honest, I’d just melt down. I’m a 42 year old woman and I’ve cried in public more than the average toddler. I might be one of the few adults that freaked the hell out in Disneyland, to the point that my family had to make a ring around me while I sat and sobbed.
In the last few years though, especially since the lockdown, I started committing to refreshing my meditation practice. I was lucky enough to get access to Headspace (no they don’t sponsor us, I just adore them), and I work with their stuff to get through. And just going back through the basics, I have to say, I might go sharing out after the traffic of my thoughts far less, and while I still deal with a lot of distress, just three deep breaths not only gives me the chance to stop and focus on something other than what’s triggering me, but warns my family that I’m struggling. If that doesn’t work, I default to counting odd numbers out of order, or snapping bands or whatever, but seriously, take a few deep breaths. Things might look different afterwards!


Live, Thrive, Survive with Bipolarbears - Live, Thrive, Survive with Bipolarbears - text by Kai