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Maximum Effort – Geek Chic – the November issue

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Welcome to the first in a series of newsletters I’m sending out again.
I know the sign says bi-weekly. I kinda got off track a bit. BUUUUT….we’re baaaaaack….

This. Is. NANO!

Yeah, it’s Nanowrimo. My 19th year.
After everything collapsed (in August/September), I got kinda…a lot discouraged. I took a step back and while I was a step back or so, I just… paused.
There’s a lot to be said about standing your ground, instead of just giving in entirely. Resting, instead of retreating. Or a strategic retreat. But, the one thing I didn’t want to do was give in entirely. I’ll be honest though, I’m kinda suprised at how long it took for me to get there. But i’m here.
I’m doing a vision board. It’s a huge Whiteboard in my office, so I’ve got plenty of scope.
And I even know what’s happening for Nanowrimo. Elliot is back, and wants his ‘Hate Crime’ Trilogy. Which is cool. I’m sure other projects will be added as we go, but I’ll talk more about them as he tells me.
Yup. I’m winging it. Utterly.

Next up!

We’ve got several books coming from KushkaPress. This site and KushkaPress however are in redesign, so there are no specific book announcements.

Ludosport…. for the win

So, one of the things I’ve promised myself is to plan better, to use my office space more and to actually take time out to exercise. OK. That’s three, I know. For the exercising properly, my partner told me a while back about Ludosport. I do have my own lightsabre, and I am really quite happy messing around with it, but we went for tryouts, and quite honestly, I’m hooked. I LOVED IT! My knees knew about it for the next few days too, but I’m sure I’ll get over that with work.
This is my lightsaber. This is the way! Seriously though, if you’ve got a chance to try it, do. Local to me, we have a wonderful group in Bristol, running taster sessions. I had a blast, but yeah, it’s quite the workout. And I’m going back. Plus, we’ve got a fairer way to solve arguments now. (no, really) ?

A Nanowrimo Love Story

Later tonight, I’ll be writing up my Nanowrimo ‘love story’. It’s both how I met Tempus, my life parner, my soulmate, my everything. But it’s all about Nanowrimo. My first book. Well, not my first book, but the first book that really took me and led me to lots of things.
You can read

Over to you guys

This month, I’ve only got one book to share (as this is an all ages newsletter). My friend Valerie released something really HOT though late last month, if you check her website and mythological RH is right up your street, she’s got a great book over there (along with others in most genres!) I’ve also got this one for you!

Blade of the Faithful by RG Long

Disgraced or deserved, a journey begins.

Beaten and left for dead, Kyne is a quiet but skilled warrior. Lost on an island beset with pirate attacks and a mysterious sickness, there’s little hope for his future. Though his wounds may heal, his fate is unsure. Eileen is a wild but confident healer. Ostracized for her deadly skill as a potion maker, the very bravest seek her out for her restorative balms. After saving Kyne from bloodthirsty pirates, she becomes entangled in a journey of fate. Together, they set out to recover the one thing that may rid the land of plague. But they aren’t the only ones who covet the precious cure. The pirates who seek to plunder and pillage have nefarious plans of their own. Will Kyne seek out his own good and leave the island behind, or will he aid those in desperate need? Grab your copy today!

Finally, some recommendations

I’ve got some tool recommendations, and reviews I’ll be offering in the future. Some are free, some are affiliate linked (marked with *). If they’re marked with *, I’ll earn something or get points or similar from them. If I can, I donate to charity, or give away what I earn, but if I can’t, I offset it instead.
Enjoy! K-Lytics - while many of my readers are, well, readers, some of you are authors, and I’ve found some really neat information in their reports. The latest one is sci-fi and fantasy, and it’s absolutely amazing. Their research and analysis is really interesting, and there are always nuggets in there that are really crucial to a great head start with planning books, either written to market or improving your writing. Evernote – Evernote is proving to be critical to my work, for more reason than one. It used to have a referral plan, it’s currently suspended, so I’m just recommending it ? I use this for organising study and storage. Scrivener – Might have an affiliate scheme, can’t find it, highly recommended regardless. I’ll always complain I can’t use it on Dex (Android, specifically my Samsung tablet) but it’s a minor annoyance for what I do. Remember, Nanowrimo participants get vouchers for participating sometimes, so if you’re looking to take part and do those projects, there’s always that option.

Books by D Kai Wilson-Viola - Books by D Kai Wilson-Viola - text by Kai

Depression

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I’ve been on about three false starts for this post, this week. And I’ve tried to write and explain this feeling… this weight for years.
It’s odd. I’m a writer. I should be able to explain this. But I’m depressed. It’s a hard time to write in the first place, and then, to write about how sad I am… I guess it makes sense that it’s hard to deal with.

Depression just is

Believe it or not…this is one of the millions of faces of depression. And it’s mine. That’s me on Saturday, after The UK Games Expo. My daughter and I had a ball, but I went to bed Saturday with the post-con blues, and woke up with full blown, not done this for a while, “oh, I thought I’d seen you for the last time, oh well,” depression.
I have CPTSD, I’m somewhere on the autistic spectrum, I have anxiety and psychosis. Depression is a MAJOR part of my life, unfortunately, but, I’m not particularly gracious about it. Depression isn’t something we need to be gracious about, but… as a mental health advocate, I kinda feel like a fraud posting photos and smiley selfies when I feel like rubbish. I do want to talk about that later – it’s important, and it’ll be linked from here when it goes live. But, I guess this is the other side of it. One of many sides, I feel. You won’t look at me and think ‘that’s a depressed woman’. Not unless you see me in what we call my ‘meltdown moments’. But just because I’m smiling, or interacting on social media, or Facebook, it doesn’t mean I’m ok. In fact, often, I find that’s when I know it’s coming. When I have to start forcing myself to open my laptop, I know things are getting hard. I know it’s really hard when I can’t find nice things to say to people when they need help. I know I have to step away when stupid incidents wind me up to spitting teeth, and I DO walk away when I’ve had a week like this, where I was bullied. It’s not overly common, but it does happen. Add all of it together – the post-con blues, bullying, sadness and inability to focus, and oncoming depression?
That’s kinda a perfect storm for me to get into real trouble if I don’t step away and let the darkness pass over me.

It’ll pass, but it’s not the blues

One of the conversations I’ve had when talking about writing about depression of any kind is that it just is. A friend that talked to me last night, when I mentioned I wanted to make this post but I was struggling with it, suggested that I should call it ‘I guess that’s why they call it the blues’. Other friends have talked to me about telling people about how I battle, how it’s a fight.
I can’t do that. It’s not that I don’t agree that people frame it their way. I just can’t frame it that way. Depression just is. It’s a part of my fabric, and there are, when I’m in less bad places, I guess, upsides to it. I understand exquisitely the depths of darkness and the heights of joy. I know it’ll pass. It always has in the past. It’s not easy to keep that in mind right this second, but, it does. I know it does.

Depression just isn’t….

It just isn’t something that goes away. As I’ve mentioned, I don’t really deal tell other people how to feel, but I’m not really comfortable with the stuff that comes with talking about depression. So, I’m going to say, if you’ve read this post, please remember three things:
  1. I’m currently *very depressed*. Be kind, because I’m not in a place where I’m very good at censoring myself.
  2. I don’t want to be ‘sold’ to. I meditate, I use essential oils, I read and write self-help books. I know all of the suggestions that I’m to follow. In the coming days, I’m going to start pulling back, start making space, start going back to basics. I’ll probably talk about that later, but less social media, more real life time basically sums it up. Eat properly, and go back to a rigid schedule till I feel more comfortable.
  3. Finally, if you don’t have anything nice to say, please don’t say it. No ridicule, no bullying and please, this is one of the few times I also ask that you don’t say ‘oh, I know how you feel’ and launch into why. Knowing others are depressed (which I *know*, believe me, I know) doesn’t help me. I will take advice without needing people to explain why they want to give it. But if you’re struggling right now, I’m sorry, I’m not the person to tell. It hurts more.

When I’ll be back

Usually I am gone for a week or two when this happens. Sometimes I pick myself up and get back into writing, or find something that I can be proud of, or things turn around. My mood is related – a lot – to what I do, what I succeed and how I spend my time. I’m hard on myself, as many people are. You don’t need to have depression to be tough on yourself.
But, living with depression when you feel like you’re failing…it’s so hard. Getting up and out of bed, cooking…eating. Even staying clean and brushing my hair…it’s all so many more spoons than it takes me to get to where I am just to sit down and do my work during the day. Work is…. daunting, terrifying, horrible. Even when I complete something, it’s never enough. Not for me. I’ve done some really amazing things for my clients, and I know I have because they’ve told me that I’ve done something amazing. (I moved someone from an Exchange server for Pete’s sake! It might not be a big thing, but I’m not Windows. I’m Linux. It’s a daunting thing to move 7+ years of archived emails. I discovered, as I researched that it’s not actually that difficult, it’s just…a bit…fiddly to get people swapped over for access if they’re not really technical, but we did it. People are happy. I’m even talking to people on the phone to do it.)
All of this is HUGE. I still feel terrible though. And a lot of this is my mindset. Some of it is worry that I’m doing stuff wrong, because I’m always learning new things. Some of it…I dunno. Some of it is just life. I feel like I’m not achieving much when I’m moving things around and reorganising my own stuff, which is what I’m doing now. But…I’ll be back. I’m going to keep working on my books, if I can. I’m going to keep the business running. I’m going to try and do what I can to help others, when I’ve got spare spoons. But mostly. I’m just going to work on resetting things. My meditation practices have slipped. I’m not exercising as much. I’m not eating more than once a day, most days. And most of all, I’m not interested in going and messing with my Cricut. We’ve got a new resin printer here and I’m not asking to unpack that. All I really want to do is lie in bed and wait till this passes. (and yes, I know that’s stupid. That I can’t just wait it out. I’m not very good at looking after myself, but food is one of those things I just kinda view as ‘I need to do this’ when I’m in this mood. I’m lucky, my partner looks after me, as do my kids, but seriously, don’t pillowfort till you feel better).

The blog of D Kai Wilson - The blog of D Kai Wilson - text by Kai

Maximum Effort – Geek Chic – the May Newsletter

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(please note, this is one of those one day evolving documents, because it’s going to cross link with my newsletter, a new toy I’m playing with on Twitter, and here. if the links don’t quite work yet, I apologise – the important thing is the book links DO, even if the rest isn’t all linked up at the start. :)) May. #Kaiatus. I sometimes think that says it all for me. In case it doesn’t, I’ll be blogging more about it later.

Lifting, lifting…

In the UK, lockdown is mostly lifted – non-essential shops have opened, and we’re a year on from our first lockdown plus a few weeks. The weather is nicer, and while I can’t say ‘all’s well in the world’, things are feeling a lot more bearable, knowing that I can go back to the library, that we could do what we did yesterday and grab essentials and continue organising. Books too are starting to come together, and though I still really miss my gran, life has to go on. So, we’re going home and spending a bit of time with family, then I’ll be doing a lot of working on stuff.

The ‘little thoughts’ blog…

WHile I was away, I realised that one of the things I used to do quite a bit, just for an internal group of us, was to share my ‘little thoughts’ for the day. They usually weren’t actually that little but gave people a jumping off point to … reason through some of the stuff they’ve been feeling. A few of those little thoughts grew up into big books. And I’ll be focussing on bringing the little thoughts and the books to the fore in the coming weeks.

How I’m doing that…

Gotta be honest, there’s no one way I’m doing it. I sat down while at my MIL’s (she’s got a very peaceful house, and a very boisterous puppy which is the best combination to

Planning books, making goals and more. I’ve tried out several planners, and am trying this one. I’m not sure I’ll like it, but it’s looking ok so far. I’m not entirely certain of how I’ll use it, but balancing publishing, work, Uni, promo and family needs a legendary system. This might be it, and it was on offer, so win-win.
(You can get it on Amazon*).

Over to you guys

I do really want to start featuring reads – of my blog and my newsletter – so it’s over to you. My next newsletter is 1st June and you can apply by getting in touch on my form, and I do mini ones on Twitter between Friday and Sunday, so, if you’d like to talk to me about exchanging project mentions, please get in touch! I have a few rules about it, which is why my exchange page explains a few things. If those rules aren’t to your liking, we just don’t exchange. I can’t bend these rules – having done so in the past, I’ve found that people take it too far. And while I don’t like to think some of it is deliberate, sometimes it totally is, so thank the people that didn’t follow through last time if you’re not able to swap with me because there’s a boundary you don’t meet. The option is always there though, and I always make room to pay forward.

Finally, some recommendations

I’ve got some tool recommendations, and reviews I’ll be offering in the future. Some are free, some are affiliate linked (marked with *). If they’re marked with *, I’ll earn something or get points or similar from them. If I can, I donate to charity, or give away what I earn, but if I can’t, I offset it instead.
Enjoy! K-Lytics - while many of my readers are, well, readers, some of you are authors, and I’ve found some really neat information in their reports. The latest one is sci-fi and fantasy, and it’s absolutely amazing. Their research and analysis is really interesting, and there are always nuggets in there that are really crucial to a great head start with planning books, either written to market or improving your writing. Evernote – Evernote is proving to be critical to my work, for more reason than one. It used to have a referral plan, it’s currently suspended, so I’m just recommending it ? I use this for organising study and storage. Scrivener – Might have an affiliate scheme, can’t find it, highly recommended regardless. I’ll always complain I can’t use it on Dex (Android, specifically my Samsung tablet) but it’s a minor annoyance for what I do. Remember, Nanowrimo participants get vouchers for participating sometimes, so if you’re looking to take part and do those projects, there’s always that option.

Books by D Kai Wilson-Viola - Books by D Kai Wilson-Viola - text by Kai

M is for ‘mistake?’

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Yeah, I know, we’re not on M yet (I don’t think).
There’s a lot I could say right now, but, I’m just going to be honest and say a few things that my new friends coming in from AtoZ might get, and those of you that are my fearless readers probably know about me already.

Mental health is my limiter

I wish I could say positive things all the time about my books and stuff, but the reality of my world is I like to present this whirlwind, usually of joy and all sunshine and rainbows. The truth is though, like most people online, I curate my experiences – and in my case, a little more than I should.
I talk about mental health in certain terms, but today, I’m going to talk about it in a different way.
And I guess that’s ok, because there are books coming about it, so I had to do it sooner or later.
But I find the words faltering between my fingers and the keyboard. They’re jamming in my chest in a way – thick in my throat.
And it’s all because I’ve lived with, by level at least, severe mental health issues all of my life. I’m ‘functional’. I look ‘normal’. But as you can see from those quotes, they’re bitter descriptors. Normal and functional are mechanical descriptors I’ve always said ‘normal is the setting on a washing machine’. And it’s because we use words like normal, nominal, functional, functioning, intergrated … as if we all match up against one level, one actual checklist. We don’t. Humans are as varied as snowflakes.
The thing with me is I’m actually a bundle of contradictions. I deal with a set of cognitive dissonances daily because I’m creative and I’m techie, so when I describe this stuff now, it’s always as if I’m describing a computer of sorts. But I’m not. It just puts a bit of distance between myself and the things I’m talking about.
The dissonance though…it comes from, I guess, the normalisation and on the flip side, the stigmatisation of mental health. And of course, I talk about not accepting stigma, that I’m accepting. But it doesn’t change that there’s some internalised stuff that we were raised with. And it becomes a bit of a mess there, which I guess I’ll talk about more, but for now, all I want to do is acknowledge that I’m not acting at my best right now. And while I’m ashamed and feel bad pointing at the fact that I am effectively, severely disabled, there’s…a bit of me that doesn’t like to say that. As if it belittles those living with things I can’t even begin to understand. But it’s true. I have what is considered to be a severe set of mental illnesses. I’m not able to function at my best all the time. I really need to stop being stubborn and trying to pretend I do. It’s not as if people will be mean about it (actually, I also know that not to be true, but the nastiness that comes from talking about this stuff is, by and large, the way I weed people I don’t want in my community out. Not to create an echo chamber, but who in the hell attacks someone for having mental health issues anyway?)

It’s not been an easy year

I know many people can say that. But my year started (well, 15 months really), last January with a septic son (three kidneys, that is an adventure I’ll discuss on my personal blog when I get over all of the fear and lay a few issues I’m still having to work though), then February and his major kidney surgery. We got him through that, and the afternoon his stent came out, we started the first lockdown in the UK. That was, 13 months ago.
The last 13 months has seen me lose friends and family to Covid. And my gran, who was one of the sick and vulnerable due to chonic illness. That was in February, and I’ve soldiered on, because she’d want me to, but I manage a few weeks then break down in a wreck of crying and misery. It’s just not fair to inflict it on people and while I had high hopes for the AtoZ, I did kinda go overboard.

Mistake? Or future posts?

I’m being hard on myself calling this a mistake, but for me it is the end of the line. But, the posts I had planned, because I did, on all the blogs I was doing it on, will still appear at some point. Deirdre, at These Our Fandoms and I have discussed it and between feeling bulldozed by vaccines and life (as both of us have had a rough few years), we’ve decided it was too much to do on such short notice, so planning will probably get us through next year.
The rest of this year though? I’ll get the posts up. I’ll be writing up similar posts on the other blogs (even, ironically, my mental health blog) and I think I’ll just spend the rest of the year making new friends and visiting with others, if that’s ok with you?

And the books…?

I can’t lie and say I wouldn’t love it if you followed me on my “books” journey. I am writing and reissuing a tonne of them, but if you wish to follow, there’s a lot of places you can – with different levels of engagement for everyone’s comfort. My street team gets my ARCs, everyone gets giveaways, I answer sometimes on social media. You can follow the blog, or Authorinterrupted, when it’s back, you can join me on Twitter, on Facebook, or my street team, or you can subscribe to my newsletter. I’m even on Instagram, though that really is more about what’s behind the books, and my personal life. No matter what, I cherish each and every person that follows me. As to what I write?
Everything. Literally, I’ve got a book for every genre, just about now. My next project, the one I’m going to put the energy I’ll get back, the spoons I’ll retrieve, I guess, from the AtoZ, is a romantic comedy. But I write and love sci-fi, fantasy and all sorts, as the first few blogs showed. Thanks for reading, sorry if I’ve disappointed you by stopping. And good luck if you keep going, I’ll read what I can!

Books by D Kai Wilson-Viola - Books by D Kai Wilson-Viola - text by Kai