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M is for ‘mistake?’

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Yeah, I know, we’re not on M yet (I don’t think).
There’s a lot I could say right now, but, I’m just going to be honest and say a few things that my new friends coming in from AtoZ might get, and those of you that are my fearless readers probably know about me already.

Mental health is my limiter

I wish I could say positive things all the time about my books and stuff, but the reality of my world is I like to present this whirlwind, usually of joy and all sunshine and rainbows. The truth is though, like most people online, I curate my experiences – and in my case, a little more than I should.
I talk about mental health in certain terms, but today, I’m going to talk about it in a different way.
And I guess that’s ok, because there are books coming about it, so I had to do it sooner or later.
But I find the words faltering between my fingers and the keyboard. They’re jamming in my chest in a way – thick in my throat.
And it’s all because I’ve lived with, by level at least, severe mental health issues all of my life. I’m ‘functional’. I look ‘normal’. But as you can see from those quotes, they’re bitter descriptors. Normal and functional are mechanical descriptors I’ve always said ‘normal is the setting on a washing machine’. And it’s because we use words like normal, nominal, functional, functioning, intergrated … as if we all match up against one level, one actual checklist. We don’t. Humans are as varied as snowflakes.
The thing with me is I’m actually a bundle of contradictions. I deal with a set of cognitive dissonances daily because I’m creative and I’m techie, so when I describe this stuff now, it’s always as if I’m describing a computer of sorts. But I’m not. It just puts a bit of distance between myself and the things I’m talking about.
The dissonance though…it comes from, I guess, the normalisation and on the flip side, the stigmatisation of mental health. And of course, I talk about not accepting stigma, that I’m accepting. But it doesn’t change that there’s some internalised stuff that we were raised with. And it becomes a bit of a mess there, which I guess I’ll talk about more, but for now, all I want to do is acknowledge that I’m not acting at my best right now. And while I’m ashamed and feel bad pointing at the fact that I am effectively, severely disabled, there’s…a bit of me that doesn’t like to say that. As if it belittles those living with things I can’t even begin to understand. But it’s true. I have what is considered to be a severe set of mental illnesses. I’m not able to function at my best all the time. I really need to stop being stubborn and trying to pretend I do. It’s not as if people will be mean about it (actually, I also know that not to be true, but the nastiness that comes from talking about this stuff is, by and large, the way I weed people I don’t want in my community out. Not to create an echo chamber, but who in the hell attacks someone for having mental health issues anyway?)

It’s not been an easy year

I know many people can say that. But my year started (well, 15 months really), last January with a septic son (three kidneys, that is an adventure I’ll discuss on my personal blog when I get over all of the fear and lay a few issues I’m still having to work though), then February and his major kidney surgery. We got him through that, and the afternoon his stent came out, we started the first lockdown in the UK. That was, 13 months ago.
The last 13 months has seen me lose friends and family to Covid. And my gran, who was one of the sick and vulnerable due to chonic illness. That was in February, and I’ve soldiered on, because she’d want me to, but I manage a few weeks then break down in a wreck of crying and misery. It’s just not fair to inflict it on people and while I had high hopes for the AtoZ, I did kinda go overboard.

Mistake? Or future posts?

I’m being hard on myself calling this a mistake, but for me it is the end of the line. But, the posts I had planned, because I did, on all the blogs I was doing it on, will still appear at some point. Deirdre, at These Our Fandoms and I have discussed it and between feeling bulldozed by vaccines and life (as both of us have had a rough few years), we’ve decided it was too much to do on such short notice, so planning will probably get us through next year.
The rest of this year though? I’ll get the posts up. I’ll be writing up similar posts on the other blogs (even, ironically, my mental health blog) and I think I’ll just spend the rest of the year making new friends and visiting with others, if that’s ok with you?

And the books…?

I can’t lie and say I wouldn’t love it if you followed me on my “books” journey. I am writing and reissuing a tonne of them, but if you wish to follow, there’s a lot of places you can – with different levels of engagement for everyone’s comfort. My street team gets my ARCs, everyone gets giveaways, I answer sometimes on social media. You can follow the blog, or Authorinterrupted, when it’s back, you can join me on Twitter, on Facebook, or my street team, or you can subscribe to my newsletter. I’m even on Instagram, though that really is more about what’s behind the books, and my personal life. No matter what, I cherish each and every person that follows me. As to what I write?
Everything. Literally, I’ve got a book for every genre, just about now. My next project, the one I’m going to put the energy I’ll get back, the spoons I’ll retrieve, I guess, from the AtoZ, is a romantic comedy. But I write and love sci-fi, fantasy and all sorts, as the first few blogs showed. Thanks for reading, sorry if I’ve disappointed you by stopping. And good luck if you keep going, I’ll read what I can!

Books by D Kai Wilson-Viola - Books by D Kai Wilson-Viola - text by Kai

G is for Garrett #atozchallenge

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I guess one of the things I’ve been talking about at the edges of at least, is a set of stories called Garrett. And origionally, this post was supposed to be talking about how I’d signed this for something really cool, but instead, we’ve pushed that off onto another region of my timeline, so instead, I’m going to share the beginning of the bit that links Harper (and by extension, Elliot), to Garrett. It’s also the opening to Existence Oblivion, which ties it to that too.

Prologue

Afterwards, the clear images were shards, splashes, and strips of confetti – long, finger length pieces of cloth, a small lump and tufts at one end, that shimmered in the lights, all over the floor. Hours later, he finally realized they were the hairbands from her pot by the door. But, in those first moments, all he could think was “confetti; all elastic and glass”. The wall at the bottom of the stairs was splashed and spattered with blood. There was one pool, a small one, three steps up, along with the detritus of resuscitation. A failed resuscitation, his traitor thoughts insisted. Confetti, shards and masks. A larger puddle was staining the floor. His brain kept stuttering, eyes bouncing from the shimmering fabric strips, the size and width of a plaster, reflecting back the swirling blue lights outside as if they were silvered, the glass in constellations of portended violence, and the discarded gloves, mask and boluses. The smell got him next. Copper sickly sweet, stinger than the lilacs over the door. Then the cardamom in the chai tea she offered, over the scent, the breath of her. The copper top and bottom note obliterated everything. “Sir?” a voice said, behind him. He turned. “She died on the way to the hospital. They restarted her heart, but…” he closed his eyes, as the words washed past him. “Does the director know?” He said, finally. There was a mild tremor in his voice, and he had locked his knees, hands rammed in his pockets. “Yes sir,” the quiet, calm voice said. He spun on his heel, turning his back on the tableau, which was now burning in his mind, igniting anger, grief, and something…something else. “Doxxies only,” he said. “Full record mode from arrival at boundary gate,” The soft-spoken man seemed to go blank, and swiftly, stiffly spun, and he and two others left through the gate, paused, turned and then, re-entered. He walked to the nearest one and said “DTC Marcus, going to London House. Doxxie only command issued at….” he stopped. “It’s logged. One confirmed death, three missing. Reporting for the Flag, The Priestess of Care expired on the way to Nightfall Luna.” She was such a good woman. And all that’s left is stains, constellations and confetti. He was still seeing the shimmer, gleams and highlights as he got into his car and headed towards Vauxhall. Stuck there, the savage, alien beauty. The last of Maehb. 
Book Cover: Existence Oblivion
Existence Oblivion
Book Cover: Funhouse by Kai Ellory Viola
Funhouse by Kai Ellory Viola

Books by D Kai Wilson-Viola - Books by D Kai Wilson-Viola - text by Kai

E is for Edinburgh (Alt-Edinburgh) #atozchallenge

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I’ve been writing about Edinburgh from my perspective from a very long time, but with some subtle differences.
Some of it is to do with convenience, some of it to do with memory.

Mostly though…

Mostly, I think I change Edinburgh, because if I don’t write it differently, I might write something that’s not – exactly – right anyway.
While the city changes slowly, since I’ve moved away, every time I go back, something massive has changed. And if I’m noticing those things every time I return home, then I can’t imagine that my readers might not notice.
So, I’m when I’m writing about Edinburgh, it’s the alternative version.

I thought I’d share some of the places that are especially precious to me, and I’ve definitely taken liberties with.

Goddess Falls and more…

Colinton Dell has a small grotto, with a waterfall behind it – it’s often referred to in most of my short stories, if I’m not talking about Crickley Hill or the Arboretum locally because I see them more. But, when I talk about a lot of the stories I write about Goddess Falls, I’m talking about there.
Beautiful, and important and sacred to me, I love it there, and try to convey that when I write.

There’s one other place that I write about…

There’s a bit of dual carriageway between Fountain Bridge, and Lothian Road that appeared in Banshee. But it’s not quite the way I describe it (moreso now that they’re building more and more around that area), but for more reasons than just the changes in buildings. As is illustrated in the link above, there’s a tunnel in Colinton Dell – I often use my memories of that tunnel, when it was dark.

There’s so much more about Edinburgh that I’ve written about, but these are two areas that I’ve written on recently.

Do you rewrite parts of the world you live in so you can use it?

Books by D Kai Wilson-Viola - Books by D Kai Wilson-Viola - text by Kai

D is for Darkness PD

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I guess my AtoZ of books couldn’t be complete without a mention of D for Darkness PD. It is a huge part of the worlds that I write in.

The place

Darkness PD is the main police station that Elliot, Harper and Morrigan are all based at. Darkness itself is a city of four districts, and Elliot works for district 1.

Most of Darkness PD is technologically connected, but Elliot, Harper and Morri have different difficulties with it – Elliot doesn’t like tech, Harper can’t use it due to the fact that he’s a technomage, and Morri is working undercover to expose the corruption in the police itself.

Technomage

Harper’s status is mostly explained later in the storyline, but technological mages in Darkness itself is a bit of a mystery, which I’ll be talking about in M for Magic – another area where I’ll be talking about all three book types.
You can read more about DarknessPD on the website.

Books by D Kai Wilson-Viola - Books by D Kai Wilson-Viola - text by Kai

C is for Cantrips

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I thought today, I’d introduce you to Shula, my changeling mage. She’s quite a lot of fun, and though I can’t see what the link she has to Elliot, yet, she does link through the rest of my IP’s via the latter part of AMFAR, and she is brilliant fun, meet my changeling, Shula.

Shula is a late teenage changeling, running away from her ‘destiny’ – as a elemental fire hag’s daughter. But when her questing companions each discover they need to return home to deal with various issues, she realises a more powerful force is moving against them, and has to deal with all of the issues that are building to a change that cannot be.

I’ll be talking about her more, in a post called H for Houses, where I introduce her first trilogy.

Books by D Kai Wilson-Viola - Books by D Kai Wilson-Viola - text by Kai

B is for Black Monday #atozchallenge

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Black Monday is one my series’ that I wrote, starting in 2004. It span off into Salvagers and some other books, but at it’s core, it was the first place – ever – I found and created Farran.
It’s a book though I can’t really talk about right now. Mostly because it’s a bit hard to write about the Apocalypse when you kinda feel like you’re loving through it in some ways (see A for Almost, or A for Are we there yet?)

Talking about why the earth still ends…

I gotta be honest, the core premise for Black Monday is an actual explosion on Earth that wiped it out…entirely.
So. One of the major things that I discovered, is that I didn’t want to write about it when I was worrying about Tom and his kidney surgery. Then…well, the world did kinda go into various versions of lockdown.

It’s been tiring and scary the last few months especially, so I thought I’d ease back into Black Monday and talk about the Captain and 2IC.

Captain Gedren and Lt Farran

One of the main character pairings in Black Monday is Gedren and Farran. Gedren is the Captain of the Grey Shadow, which is one of the five ships in the colony group. That colony group was originally set to inhabit a new part of the universe, knowing they could come home. So when the earth is destroyed, as they leave, the reactions of Gedren and Farran are almost polar opposite.

Gedren is more than a little over the top in his reactions, and basically becomes the worst of whatever he had been before he and the ship left. Slightly controlling before, he becomes a despot, and creates the beginning of the flotilla split. the worst of his character flaws lead to the destruction of not only the earth but one of the landing sites for the original flotilla, and sets up book 2 of the series, though as both the destruction of the Earth and the original flotilla spot is discussed in flashback, it’s not too much of a spoiler :).

Farran, on the other hand, basically ends up convicted of the destruction of earth, and becomes less cocky and sure of himself. Before where he was a fine, if flawed second in command, he becomes someone that needs to make things right. Farran’s story ends in the middle of Black Monday, as he’s placed is Stasis, and is picked up again in Salvagers.

I guess Black Monday will be back on the docket soon – we do have a cover for it after all, but it’s still a story I’m struggling with. Ending an earth that had a near miss isn’t really something I’d like to do right now.

Books by D Kai Wilson-Viola - Books by D Kai Wilson-Viola - text by Kai

A – The Four of Cups #atozchallenge

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  1. AtoZ challenge 2021 announcement
  2. 26 and the random – the cards
  3. A – The Four of Cups #atozchallenge
There were four cups remaining as I finished this tale. Four cups, as four of us huddled into the dying firelight, thinking about everything we’d been through to get here.
Which meant my round was only four more cups. There was a bright side. I looked up and realized that it was nearly dawn – we’d lost listeners, as people had drifted away. I dropped into a daze, contemplating the four remaining with apathy. Knowing that one was my executioner, and the other two, witnesses.
But they couldn’t kill me while the tale remained. While a chance for all I’d fought for and lost was still theirs to snatch from me at the last minute.
But then, a final figure drifted back. Dark robes hiding them in shadows behind me. I smiled and offered them an imperceptible nod. I could have sworn the darkness returned my gesture. The magister cleared his throat. “And is that all?” he said, and double tapped his cup. The other two also double tapped, so I raised my hand, signalling for our round, and I said, “well, not quite…” “You, madam, take this too far,” Meneise said, with a tired yawn, but waved her hand, in a gesture of continuance. So, I bowed my head and waited, trying to think about anything else I could tell them. I had explained the worst of it, past my escape, past the assassination, but I had held one thing back…. The serving maid brought us more ale, more bread, more cheese and I took my portions, chewing thoughtfully, and then, with a sip, continued my tale.
Meaning of four of cups – UPRIGHT: Meditation, contemplation, apathy, reevaluation.

https://www.biddytarot.com/tarot-card-meanings/minor-arcana/suit-of-cups/four-of-cups/

Fiction @ ByKai - Fiction @ ByKai - text by Kai

A is for Almost….

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Almost. In the UK, we’re ‘almost’ there. 30 million vaccinated. Almost out of lockdown. But we’re also almost at the point where many of my books will be anathema for a while. It’s not easy being a post apocalyptic writer when the world goes all… near apocalyptic.

Were we really that close?

I think we were in a quiet sort of way. Had vaccines not become a thing, had one superpower pushed one way instead of another, I don’t know. A lot of the ‘I don’t know’, though, is very much because last year, we were getting over a rough few months with Titanboi, and preparing Artenapan to come home from college, all against the backdrop of a world almost at the brink of what we could cope with.

So how does this relate to my books?

I guess it’s why nothing has really happened this year. I’ve almost signed with places. I’ve almost gotten organised. I’ve also almost been so anaemic I could barely move. Well, no, I was actually so anaemic…. anyway. Almost is an important word for what I’ll talk about in the coming month. Because all of the ‘almosts’ are going to be here soon. Which means I have a whole world to explore with you! Because while I was dealing with all of the ‘almosts’, it became obvious that my universes – all of them – are linked. So… I have no reason to feel bad about what I’m writing, it’ll all come back to Elliot in the end. Ready for a ride?

Books by D Kai Wilson-Viola - Books by D Kai Wilson-Viola - text by Kai

26 and the random – the cards

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  1. AtoZ challenge 2021 announcement
  2. 26 and the random – the cards
  3. A – The Four of Cups #atozchallenge
My deck is the Elemental Power Deck (you can get details on the deck itself on my site at https://fiction.bykai.com/tarot-prompts).
For my draw, I shuffled but did not take any invented draws (I kept them all the correct way up), and each day, I’ll share the meaning of the card at the end of the part, and then collect them in a glossary when the project is complete.  These meanings may be the standard meanings, or they may be my understanding of them.  If you disagree with a meaning, by all means, let me know, but I am working to the meanings as I understand them to start with, and will not alter the story if my meaning differs dramatically from yours. I’d already decided, as the set is coins, cups, wands and swords that I’d write a high fantasy novella of sorts, but I’m not sure if that’s all it’s going to be. (in my deck, coins/pentacles are interchangeable.  I’ve chosen coins over pentacles for numbered cards, pentacles for named (Page to King), so I could introduce magics as well as other fun.
I shuffled several times (every four cards), to be sure of a good mix, and the deck has already been shuffled daily for a week, so, the pattern it drew is not due to poor mixing 🙂 The 26 cards I drew are:
  1. The 4 of Cups
    2. The Knight of Coins (pentacle)
    3. 10 of Coins
    (week 1)
    4. 9 of Coins
    5. 8 of Wands
    6. 7 of Wands
    8. 5 of Wands
    9. 4 of Wands
    10. Queen of Cups
    (week 2)
    11. Knight of Cups
    12. Page of Cups
    13. Justice (major)
    14. Wheel of Fortune (major)
    15. 9 of Wands
    16. 8 of Swords
    17. The High Priestess (major)
    (week 1)
    18. The Lovers/Twins (major)
    19. 8 of Cups
    20. Emperor (major)
    21. Empress (major)
    22. 10 of Swords
    23. 9 of Swords
    24. Knight of Wands
    (week 4)
    25.Page of Wands
    26. The Magician (major)

Fiction @ ByKai - Fiction @ ByKai - text by Kai

AtoZ challenge 2021 announcement

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  1. AtoZ challenge 2021 announcement
  2. 26 and the random – the cards
  3. A – The Four of Cups #atozchallenge
Hi!
Just a quick post cause everything is all go here but I’ll be drawing 26 tarot cards on the 28th or so of March, and they will form the backbone of a 26 part story, that should be mostly contiguous, but we’ll see. I’m doing several AtoZ’s, this one is also mirroring on Wattpad 🙂

Fiction @ ByKai - Fiction @ ByKai - text by Kai